PMS conquered yet again
15 Aug 2008
Marie and John join forces to tell us how their marriage was saved - and Marie thanks NAPS by promoting our cause in the Great North Run. In addition, Mr. Nick Panay, Chairman of NAPS, adds a word of wisdom.
Success for Marie and John
Marie begins:
"I am 38 years old and live in Stourbridge, West Midlands. In the last six months I found out from my doctor that I have been suffering with severe PMS. I hadn't got a clue. I thought PMS was just plain PMS and that everyone went through the same thing. I went to the doctor because my marriage had broken up as a result of my PMS. My husband did not know how to deal with it any more.
"It was at this point that I found out the symptoms could be controlled.
"I was unable to take any other route apart from anti-depressants for other medical reasons, so I started with 20mg a day. This felt amazing. This was what "normal" PMS should feel like!! John and I were able to go through Relate and rebuild our relationship and get back together. I now take 40mg a day and feel that I am able to take complete control of the symptoms and recognise them when they start. Before, I had no memory of how I was behaving. I had severe depression and aggression towards those closest to me, hence my marriage break-up. My whole persona was affected. I dressed differently, lost my confidence and my self esteem. In all, life was pretty unbearable both for myself and anyone near me for the ten or so days before my period started. I suffered with this for twenty years. No-one, neither partners nor friends should have to go through, or put up with this.
"But there is help for you ...............
"I was looking through the internet and found NAPS. What a feeling! I thought: 'I am not alone here.' So I started to get in touch and as a result I feel very passionate about the work which NAPS does for women in my situation. You could say that I am a good example of how things can turn around with the right help and guidance. We are now very happy as a family. My son is elated that Daddy has come home, and to further cement our new-found delight in each other, John and I plan to renew our marriage vows."
The Great North Run
Marie continues:
"I am going to be running the Great North Run to help raise valuable funds for NAPS, so that the Association can continue to work with such passion and hopefully reach more women who do not know that they are suffering with something they do not have to put up with. This is a serious issue for those who are suffering and those who have come out the other side.
"Any money you can spare to help me raise NAPS' profile and thus in turn help NAPS promote awareness of PMS and reach many more suffering women will be money well spent."
John confirms:
"After years of trying to talk about what and how things were being said, I'd begun to think it must be just me. Always saying the wrong thing, never doing the right thing and making up what had been said. I was frustrated and at the end of my tether. I had had enough. Then it happened. Someone else overheard a conversation we were having and what was said. I had answered the question that had been asked and then they heard the response I had from Marie. It was as if in Marie's mind she had asked a completely different question to what had come out. I was made to feel belittled yet again. Later that evening, when Marie had gone to bed, the earlier conversation was mentioned. At last someone else had picked up on what had been happening for years. It wasn't all me.
"My mind was made up then. I felt I was never going to be understood and I wasn't going to put up with being made to feel like this for the rest of my life. After nineteen years of knowing Marie and being married for nearly seventeen years I was going to leave her.
"For years Marie had always suffered around the time of the month. Usually around ten days before she started and until a couple of days after she started bleeding. So for two weeks of every month I didn't know what I was going to get. I could say something to Marie and the same thing half an hour later and get two completely different reactions. It was like living with Jekyll and Hyde. Marie could be really sharp in her comments and felt that this was acceptable. This side to Marie was something which only I seemed to experience. She could control her reactions with other people but not with me. It was difficult to talk to people who knew us because they never saw the nasty side. It made me feel that I was making it all up. I had tried for years to talk to her about the situation but I was told that I was making a big issue about nothing and making her feel awkward because I would be asking her when she would be starting her period every month.
"PMT has always been a bit of a joke amongst blokes. When a woman makes a funny comment - 'oh, it must be her time of the month' - and plenty of other derogatory comments. But how come it seemed that when I talked to other men that their wives or girlfriends never seemed to have the same symptoms as bad and for as long as Marie?
"It was only when I left that Marie went to the doctor and was prescribed Fluoxotine (Prozac) for PMT. We also went to Relate to try and help us to start listening to each other. It was like 'shutting the gate after the horse had bolted'. I am not a fan of anti-depressant tablets and started looking on the internet to find out what the drug was prescribed for. Why had we never thought to look here before? Why had the doctors not picked this up before? Now, Marie's symptoms kick in three to four days before the start of her period and are greatly reduced. Marie is now in control, rather than the PMS controlling Marie and MY life for two weeks of every month.
"What we went through seems now like a really severe, drastic measure to get things sorted out. There is PMT and there is PMT. IT IS NOT ALL THE SAME! The problem with blokes is, we don't talk enough. I ended up talking to different people - the more I found out, the more I understood.
"There is help out there!
"The hardest part was for me to convince Marie that she needed help.
"At last we were both now talking and understanding each other about what had caused the problems and we were working together for the first time in years to sort out our differences. After a very painful six months, and an awful lot of talking and soul searching, we are now back together, stronger than ever, working and talking things through together. Marie is now, with my help, able to recognise and accept (even though this may be difficult for Marie to do) when I become aware of the symptoms before she does. We now have a code word which we use when one of us oversteps the mark in how we may say or do things. Woe betide us if we carry on once the word has been used.
"If anybody else is going through this my one bit of advice is to find out all the information on PMS, PMDD and Fluoxotine and talk all of this through together, as a couple. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it is not an overnight fix.
"I hope this will be of some help to somebody. You are not the only one going through this."
Nick Panay, Chairman of NAPS and leading PMS specialist, has this to say on the use of SSRIs (of which Fluoxetine is one) and SNRIs as a treatment of PMS. (SSRIs are serotonin reuptake inhibitors and SNRIs are serotonin noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors; they are both classes of antidepressants.)
"I believe that SSRIs/SNRIs have their place in the management of PMS/PMDD and should be one of the options discussed.
"The good thing about using them in PMS is that they just need to be taken in the second half of the cycle or just at the time of symptoms, so dependency is minimised and withdrawal symptoms do not occur.
"They can have an adverse effect on libido and orgasm and this has to be counterbalanced by their benefits."
NAPS COMMENT
We are delighted that NAPS has helped Marie and John to get their lives back by giving the support needed for Marie to manage her PMS successfully, and also that Marie is prepared to raise money so that our work can continue to help sufferers everywhere.
Marie is taking part in the Great North Run in Newcastle on Sunday, 5th October.
If contacting NAPS has helped you or someone you know deal with the problems of PMS, please be generous and support the work of the Association by sponsoring Marie.
Cheques should be made payable to NAPS at 41 Old Road, East Peckham, Kent, TN12 5AP with Marie Seward on the reverse.
DON'T DELAY. YOUR DONATION WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
