November 2008

Michelle's Story

A young sufferer shares her fears and hopes for a better future for herself and others

"NAPS Members, your help is required!  

Write to NAPS with your advice for Michelle. 

Michelle is not alone.  By sharing your experiences with her, she will find solutions and greater peace of mind.

Michelle's Story

"I am 23 and I believe that my symptoms are far beyond normal PMS/PMT. I am quite certain I actually have PMDD. I wasn't aware it existed or that I had it until I did my own research via the internet and via keeping a mood diary for a good year. Let me stress I did not just randomly decide that this is what I have. I did my research thoroughly and sought the advice of my doctor first.

"I was not aware that PMDD existed at the time I developed stronger symptoms and to be honest I was frightened out of my mind. I thought I was going crazy until I found out about PMDD and got my period since it was (and is) then that the emotional symptoms would calm down. My emotional symptoms can appear 10 days before my period. I suffer insomnia, anxiety, appetite changes, depression,  bouts of crying for no reason, bouts of anger/tension for no reason, paranoia that everyone hates me, lack of concentration (I'm actually positive the people I worked for last thought I was stupid because of this.) When my period arrives the emotional symptoms calm down a lot and I then suffer very bad cramps that confine me to my bed for about two to three days. I can not eat, walk or do anything but lie in bed for the time this happens. I also vomit 99% of the time with these cramps so keeping painkillers down is nearly impossible for me to do. On top of the vomiting I get extreme hot and sometimes cold flushes along with pins and needles in my arms and legs. I often feel like I am going to faint with the pain when it comes.

"It has been a complete nightmare trying to get other people to understand how I feel at that time of the month and that what I suffer has an effect on my life. I have almost lost my place at university this year because of the time off that I have had during the past few years I have been here. I'm currently negotiating with my university to let me continue with my studies. I often didn't go into classes because of fear I'd burst into tears or become aggressive towards people. I also did not want to admit I had a problem and so tried to carry on regardless which of course, didn't work. Often because I feel impatient and tense around that time I find it hard to sit and listen to my lecturers talking without getting wound up. Usually once I'm wound up enough I want to cry to release it all but I just can not do this in a lecture room or any professional setting. I did not want to humiliate myself and my period problems are private to me, I don't like the world knowing about them. It is humiliating every year explaining to my lecturers that I may have a few days off per month due to my period too. It's not something I like disclosing to complete strangers but if I do not tell them, then they understandably will question my absences. I also constantly worry about future employment, as not many employers recognise this kind of illness and are quite narrow minded about it.

"I tried explaining my problems to my university time and time again and asking them to recognise my period problems as a disabling illness but they will not. I tried to apply for an allowance for my attendance but was told the only thing I can do is submit a form with my assignments with a doctor's note which I did but now they are telling me I submitted a lot of claims and believe I can't cope with being a student. It breaks my heart because I cannot help what I go through and I believe to this day that they think I need to just get over it. I think if I were a person in a wheelchair or a blind person they would support me far more than they do on this matter. My own family find me terribly difficult to deal with in the run up to my period. I have learned to shut myself away in my room or keep myself away from my family during this time that I feel that way so they don't have to suffer but even then I get accused of being anti-social. I just can't win.

"My doctor prescribed anti-depressants to me in the past at a low dosage but I refused to take them. I have a personal beef against these as I do not believe they help the symptoms but rather just mask them. I do not want to become addicted to or dependent on them either (there is no denying that anti-depressants can be addictive) so I avoided these at all costs. I don't believe taking them is healthy or the answer to my problems. I am not depressed. If I was, I would feel down all the time regardless of my periods. I don't feel down all the time. For two weeks a month I am extremely happy and what I describe as 'feeling perfectly sane'. Why should I pump myself with pills anyway? I don't want to have to rely on pills to be able to function. I want a life where I do not have to remember to bring my pill bottle wherever I go.

"I had laraposcopy surgery to check if everything was okay and was told I was perfectly normal (no cysts, etc). I was then advised to look at my diet and to change it. I have given up caffeine altogether and I rarely drink alcohol. Changing my diet hasn't helped at all but I still maintain a healthy lifestyle in that respect. I eat properly and drink plenty of water. I also get regular exercise but none of this has changed much, aside from the fact that my periods are a bit more regular now but I believe that comes with age.

"I was then offered birth control which I did try. I tried numerous kinds but they all made me feel nauseous all the time so I had to stop taking them. I have also been offered painkillers but due to my vomiting spells they never get the chance to work. I have spoken to my doctor about this problem and I was told to try taking them on a full stomach. I tried that but I threw up both my food and the tablets. My doctor has said, that, aside from that there isn't a lot that can be done for me.

"At the moment it takes about 5 painkillers in the space of a day for me to just be able to sit up and walk around. Even with that dosage I still suffer what I describe as a dull ache and it's painful enough to keep me in bed.

"As far as taking action goes, I would love to see more support and understanding for sufferers. More awareness of PMDD and less judgement in the working world over women who suffer bad period problems. People need to sit up and realise that we're not drama queens looking for attention and we do not choose to suffer the way we do. I'm tired of being afraid I'll get fired from a job before I have even applied for it because I have these problems. I did not choose for this to happen to me and I certainly don't enjoy it. I have to choose minimal working hours so there's less risk of me being in work when I have my period. All because I am afraid of being judged or fired. I have so many hopes for my future career and I'm already having to face that it may not work out for me because my problems aren't recognised or supported much in the working world.

"I would like more support for sufferers. Even if a pill can't help us surely we should have emotional support from somewhere? I often feel like nobody understands what I go through every month and I know others who feel the same. Even my own family who live with me fail to realise it's not something I can just 'get over'. I would love for once to talk to someone who can help me deal with my family, friends, tutors and employers and help me find ways to function so that I don't end up unemployable with no quality of life. I want that for all sufferers."