March 2010

My Mother (who was a shy and retiring person) also suffered from mental health problems and was diagnosed with various illnesses such as perinatal/postnatal depression, psychosis and schizophrenia (because she talked and laughed to herself) and so was treated with a cocktail of mental health drugs and ECT sessions spanning many years.  I now believe that this was due to a weakened state of mind due to improper hormone fluctuations or as suggested an abnormal response to normal hormone levels for some reason. 

In the meantime, I had visited my GP in my home town on several occasions regarding my condition and when eventually taken seriously, was advised to try vitamins which have more success with pms than pmdd and so I remained in a vicious circle.  One day I absentmindly walked out of a shop with a basket full of shopping so could have been arrested for shop lifting, and with this fear I went back to my GP after doing some research and demanded to see a Gynaecologist.  My GP, who was also a woman, tried to block me with her 'I don't think it's necessary views' and so I told her that I did not care what she thought and I threatened to report her to my Primary care trust if she didn't do as I asked and so the barrier was lifted.
 
At this point in my life I had had pmdd for 17 years and determined not to miss my chance I did my research on the Gynaecologist that my GP was referring me to, prior to my appointment, and because I found out that he was known to be somewhat of a poor communicator I wrote down some positive information about myself and also my well charted negative symptoms to shove in front of him if he wouldn't listen or give me the chance to explain.  I also suspected that my GP may have written the Gynaecologist a negative letter about me, which I now believe was perhaps the case due to his overly abrupt and impatient greeting on the day of my appointment.
The Gynaecologist in question wouldn't allow me time to answer one question before he asked me another, which became an ordeal and a fight not to be shoved quickly out of the door, and so my written information became valuable when I informed him of this and refused to talk to him until he had read it.  He ordered me into a side room, until he and his team read my information, then he entered the room and sitting beside me he patted me gently on the leg and clearing his throat he asked if I would like to start on some hormone treatment that day.  He then left and his Nursing Sister administered me with a three monthly implant of Zoladex LA, with a prescription for tibolone HRT, and whilst she was at it she apologised to me on his behalf because he was too proud.
 
I responded well to the treatment very quickly and it was like turning on a 'light bulb' of activity that afforded me many things including better vitality, stamina, concentration, memory, a sense of calm and balance (sugar levels, sex drive, etc) and softer skin.  Also. I wasn't rushing to fit things in on my 'reprieve days' with the added anxiety that I wouldn't be well enough to do them next week or the week after whilst in the throes of a pmdd episode.  Three months later I went back for a second implant, but at the next appointment three months after this I was devastated to learn from the aforementioned Gynaecologist that I could not have the treatment anymore due to concerns of the medication on the skeletal sytem ( weakening of bones) and my only option was a total hysterectomy to remove my ovaries in particular, which I declined due to my age and drastic nature.
 
My period eventually returned and with it the PMDD, and so i battled on.  Two years later I moved to the aforementioned city and upon registering with my now GP, she picked up on this and without me even having to ask suggested referring me to a Gynaecologist who specialises in pms and had connections with NAPS, which I had never heard of, and to my amazement she gave my some of their information and in it I caught sight of the term PMDD for the first time.  The Specialist I have now is very approachable and empowers me to make decisions for myself through discussion and after trying the monthly Zoladex LA implants at her suggestion (not insistence) I am now back on the three monthly implants which suit me better, together with tibolone HRT and bone supplements.  It is 27 years since I started my period and I cannot understand that the Greek Physician Hippocrates first described the condition over 2000 years ago and it was given such little clinical attention until the 1980s.  I cannot get those 27 years back and I shudder to think historically how many women in the past were locked away for madness due to lack of understanding, empathy, and research into hormone problems.  Furthermore, what was the impact on the families and others connected to  those women?
 
Pmdd has been a salubrious experience for me as it has taken me down many unexpected paths as a woman, 
 
(taken from the Annie Lennox collection 'I'd shed blood for you, you have always been a thorn in the side, yea you are a shining light')
 
and I feel hurt by the lack of attention we women have received by some negative people who have little insight, ignorance and arrogance.  I'm taking steps to set up a local support group this year to raise awareness and funds for NAPS, and to later perhaps extend this to my home town, in memory of my late parents who both suffered as a result of my mother's hormone problems and so could not be fully functioning for me.  I also want to help other women and their families so that they can be well informed and enjoy family life with the conditions receiving prompt treatment.
 
Thanks to a second shared story on the NAPS website I now know that I am not a weak woman, but one of the strongest for enduring pmdd.

And thanks to a third shared story on the NAPS website, which included a poem by Ralpho Waldo Emerson, I now believe the following from the last two lines:
 
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition,
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded.
 
I have used many therapies over the last 27 years as a distraction and to both brighten my mood and soothe my troubled thoughts, which include the following:
 
Laughter, making others laugh, listening and comforting others more, gardening, watching the washing blowing on the washing line, music and dancing (often Bridgid Jones style), bird/nature watching, admiring the colours and shapes of the sky (which we all don't do enough of in my opinion), rowing, bike riding, walking, running, yoga and other moderate exercise, good nutrition, sex (also releases good endorphines apparently like exercise), knitting scarves in summer, moderate drinking of wine and Guinness with friends, shopping, travel and work.
 

 
Helen - from the Greek meaning 'Light', a seeker of truth who is not easily distracted.