Sandra's Story
The monster within
I am 37 years young, have one child, am separated and awaiting divorce. I live with my partner, work part-time in an office, and consider myself to be a caring, amiable, empathic person.... during non-PMS times.
I thought I became aware of my PMS approximately five years ago, but friends have reminded me of conversations about it from over ten years ago. Emotional roller-coaster I have been mentally monitoring and analysing my PMS now for at least two years, and I have a theory (not sure whether I am alone in this thinking) that PMS is much more than PRE-menstrual, unless the “PRE” includes the 3 weeks leading up to your period. My physical, emotional, and psychological states are similar during each cycle. The first week after my period has ended is what I class as me feeling “normal.” I may be happy, somewhat relaxed, and enjoy spending time with other people. The second week is not quite as good as the first - I may be less patient or tolerant, somewhat aggressive, and have less energy. The third week is a complete writeoff. My decibel level increases, my partner can do nothing right, I detest the people at work (the ones that usually just annoy me slightly), and I get road/supermarket/life rage. In my analysis, I constantly question how much of this is actually my personality. I wonder whether the problems I see in my relationship at times of PMS are real and that I just don’t see them at other times. Could “other” stress in my life have a bearing on my frame of mind during PMS? I think about what paths I have taken as a reaction to these feelings (moving house, ending relationships, getting sterilised, etc).
Of course, there are the physical symptoms too - hunger, cravings, headaches, backache, clumsiness, fatigue, and severe period pain for two days. But I would happily double these symptoms for a pill that eradicated the psychological symptoms. Speaking of pills, I have popped Evening Primrose Oil, St John’s Wort,Vitamin B6, Multi B Vitamins, Magnesium, Zinc, Starflower Oil, and I have dropped a few of Bach’s Flower Remedies. And at more desperate times Prozac, Cipramil, and Progesterone Suppositories (not all at the same time). Keep on trying I’m not giving up, and continue to try new remedies and suggested treatments. The latest remedy I am trying is Agnus Castus. As with any vitamins/supplements, it is so difficult to determine whether or not it is making a difference – this usually depends on whether anything in my life is causing stress at the time. However, my initial thoughts, having taken Agnus Castus for about two months now, is that it is excellent. I feel a lot more positive and even-tempered. Though there have been occasions in these two months where I scream and shout with impatience, they are short-lived. Also, my underlying anxiety and irritation is not as strong. My breast tenderness has, however, returned since I stopped taking Evening Primrose Oil or Starflower Oil. I have also been seeing a counsellor for about seven months (bi weekly), which I think helps me to stop and think about the consequences of my actions (upsetting my son/partner then feeling guilty, alienating colleagues), but I maintain that PMS is physiological.
Monthly monster.
My partner has coped okay with it, but at times when he is perhaps a bit tired or stressed and I am premenstrual and we inevitably start arguing, I know that we have both been thinking, “I don’t want to be with him/her”,- all as a result of PMS. In fact, we have now made the decision to separate. In my opinion, one of the worst things about PMS is that when the monster that was me emerges, I can hear myself saying awful things, I can hear myself shouting over something insignificant, I can feel the angry adrenaline rising when the shop assistant doesn’t do her job properly, but there is absolutely nothing I can do to control it, and at the time I probably think “why should I?
